How To #1: Torch Your Apartment in 3 Easy Steps

The weather has been amazing this week, it's really been starting to feel like summer here in the 'burbs of DC. I went out yesterday with shorts on. Awesome. So, on to the story...

Yesterday afternoon I was talking to one of my friends on the phone before I left the apartment when I said, "Mmmm, I think someone's grilling outside because I can smell the hickory smoke coming through the window!" Well, I was partially right. The smell wasn't coming from the window, but it was coming from something that was grilling, which I didn't find out what it was until oh, about 15 minutes ago. Now let me continue in my first ever How To blog post about how to torch your apart in 3 easy steps:

Step 1)

Cook a delicious and nutritious meal including, but not limited to, instant Idahoan Mashed Potatoes using a wooden spoon.

Step 2)

Now that you have consumed your meal, it is time to tidy up! We will need to first hand wash most dishware and then place them into the nearest dishwasher, typically located directly below the sink somewhere. Ensure that the wooden spoon is placed in the upright position in the utensil rack. If you aren't sure if the spoon is in the correct position, look under the top rack and make sure the top point on the spoon is positioned above the lower point of the spinning water squirter thing, so that they will likely make contact during any of the dishwasher's cycles. This will allow for proper catapulting action of the spoon during the wash cycle.

Step 3) Turn the dishwasher to the ON position and wait.

It was at the point that I open the dishwasher today that I suddenly came to the realization that my neighbers were not, in fact, BBQing yesterday. Oh no no no, it was actually this wooden spoon that had been flipped from its upright position down onto the heating wire below, where it began its hickory-smoked meltdown. As you can see from the pictures, it definitely got a good cooking, but I suppose there was enough water to keep it from setting fire completely. So boys and girls, what have we learned here? Either don't put wooden things in the dishwasher, wash them by hand, or eat like a dirty hobo. Otherwise, you'll be torching your apartment in 3 easy steps.